jkwatson5

You've done an awesome job, Kevin

"Funky" is a neon t-shirt you buy at an airport gift shop next to a bejeweled iPhone case. This is luxury.

Alexis looked Chinese as an infant. How many times must I defend myself?!

Marriage is hard. Being married to Mrs. Kim is the hardest thing I ever do. Very hard. Harder than store. Harder than Korea Army training.

No such thing as a 6 knuckler, if there was I’d know about it.

This right here broke me.

I don't have to sneak attack if you clean attack.

I suggest you let that one marinate.

There’s millions of starving kids in the world...okay, name ten!

Here’s a poem. Star light, star bright, why the fuck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em.

"Okay, don't make any sudden moves. Hop inside my mouth if you want to live."

No. It's "Frajer." And I should know. I'm Frajer.

I have always dreamt of playing charades with you, Jeffrey. Just not like this. And not on dry land.

My name is Derek. I have wind chimes where my ding-dong should be.

Remember, never take no cut-offs and hurry along as fast as you can.

So no one told you life was gonna be this way.

Clap Clap Clap Clap!!!

I did not kill somebody. If I killed somebody, I do something cool, like move to Mexico and start a band.

Go whoever!

Dissents speak to a future age. It's not simply to say, ‘my colleagues are wrong and I would do it this way,’ but the greatest dissents do become court opinions.

I have gaydar: 100 percent guarantee!

Geography is the key, the crucial accident of birth. A piece of protein could be a snail, a sea lion, or a systems analyst, but it had to start somewhere. This is not science; it is merely metaphor. And the landscape in which the protein "starts" shapes its end as surely as bowls shape water.

I want to make up my mind but I don't know myself.

What is this ‘bad person?’ I mean, there’s Hitler and then there’s everybody else.

The other day I was arranging coffee table books and magazines around my office. Somebody looked at me and said I was crazy but I have to have everything in a certain order or I can’t sleep at night

But if nobody eats my chicken, I'm gonna fucking kill myself.

That is one gay lion.

The national team of Morocco is the Lions, and Tangiers is in Morocco. But yeah, I guess I'm the idiot.

It's just that I'm not used to dressing like a plumberess. Is that what you call a female plumber or is a toilet sweep or, or clog wench? In any case, that's how I'm dressed.

for the love of the sport

It's a rare occurrence, like a double rainbow. Or like someone on the Internet saying, "You know what? You've convinced me I was wrong."

Do you like plants? Express them in a t-shirt!

Specifically, big wake energy.

Max likes your yabbos.

Oh, and remember: next Friday... is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.

I don't want to brag, but I've got a ton of experience with women being mad at me.