Deadpan Phone Cases - iPhone and Android

Simple white letters on black background: "Full of pith and vinegar." Don't try me. I'm full of pith and vinegar. Find me on Twitter.

Simple white letters on black background: "Got smallpox? Me neither. Thanks science!" Science beats your opinion, and your YouTube diving, and what racist Uncle Tucker said at dinner. Get vaxxed. Be healthy. That's science.

Simple white letters on black background: "I am fun." Does it help to tell people in advance how fabulous you are? Let's find out, shall we?

Simple white letters on black background: "How many is too many cats?" It's a rhetorical question, of course. Because as long as you can take care of them, there's no such thing as too many cats. Cat lady? Rejoice!

Simple white letters on black background: "Luddite". Don't show me your new-fangled Twitters. I'm happy with my typewriter.

Me? Never happier.

Simple white letters on black background: I know words. I have the best words. When The Former Guy (y'know, 45, that one) claimed this there was no adequate response. Except to put it on a t-shirt, of course.

Simple white letters on black background: "[dissociating]". Sometimes you just need to be left alone to do what you do. Socially anxious? Introvert? Wear it with pride.

Simple white letters on black background: "approx 12% torta". Trust Mexico to come up with the best sandwich! Crema, guacamole, carne asada, pork leg, frijoles... what will you choose? Add that red chipotle salsa to make it amazing!

Simple white letters on black background: "my back hurts". Some days it's because you did too much; some days you just slept wrong! Why can't we all go on being young and invincible forever?

You're on mute. The WFH saying of the decade.

Simple white letters on black background: "Katie Porter's whiteboard stan account." When Katie Porter brings out the whiteboard, all those idiots better STFU. We stan.

Simple white letters on black background: "Katie Porter's whiteboard stan account." When Katie Porter brings out the whiteboard, all those idiots better STFU. We stan.

"salty" in black Gothic letters, similar to antique blackletter font styles. Because being salty is a long and glorious tradition and you should wear it like a badge of honor. There's a LOT to be salty about these days. Also available in white.

Simple white letters on black background: "potato seeking couch". For introverts and ambiverts and those who just want to stay home in their jammies and watching TV and eat grilled cheese. Ah, that's the life.

Simple white letters on black background: "#octothorpetag". See, it's funny because it relies on niche knowledge of obscure punctuation. OK, maybe that's in the eye of the beholder.

Simple white letters on black background: "404: Gender not found." For gender-fluid and gender-queer theydies and gentlethems everywhere. Be your glorious self.

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

Simple white letters on black background: "Highly caffeinated." Consider it an ingredient label, or maybe a recommendation. Highly caffeinated at all times. Maybe not while sleeping. But maybe so; I'm not judging.

Simple white letters on black background: "Mom, can you come pick me up?" I've had enough party and I've eaten enough cake and I'm tired and I'm ready for bed. For introverts and ambiverts and anyone who's had enough peopling.

Living my okayest life.

You're alright - let's not get too sentimental.

"I am very poorly today and very stupid and hate everybody and everything." Charles Darwin wrote it in 1861 but it's just as true today. Eugh, it's too peoplely out there and everything sucks. Variants in color and typeface available.

White letters on black: "Luddite". Gothic letters, similar to antique blackletter styles, to really look the part. If you'd prefer a steam engine and a pedal-powered phone, this is for you.

I don't know. I just got here.

Simple white letters on black background: "Luddite". Don't show me your new-fangled Twitters. I'm happy with my typewriter.

"You're terrible Muriel" (colors + spots) - whether you're a jealous sister gloating over someone getting in trouble, or just want to remember an iconic 90s line, this could be for you. Available in other colors and styles.

Simple white letters on black background: "I wish you well". You might mean this for real, or maybe it's the equivalent of "bless your heart" for the dude who ran into you on the ski slopes and now wants to sue you.

"Luddite" in black Gothic letters, similar to antique blackletter font styles, to really look the part. If you'd prefer a steam engine and a pedal-powered phone, this is for you. Also available in white.

Simple white letters on black background: "hoi polloi". It sounds kinda fancy, right? "Join the hoi polloi for some polo, what, old chap?" But no. It means the masses; the common people; the poors. You and me, as it happens.

Simple white letters on black background: "[barbaric yawp]". Sometimes, like Uncle Walt, you want to actually sound your barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world; other times you can wear it ironically (or not!) on a shirt.

Do you plan your day around naps? Do you think about the next nap during the current one? Could you win an award ribbon or even a trophy because your naps are just that stellar? Yes, this was designed with you in mind.

This human does not support social interaction.

Simple white letters on black background: "I'd rather be in New Zealand." I mean, who wouldn't?! They got every landscape known to humans, AND Jacinda Ardern, AND they smacked covid every which way from Sunday. Go Kiwis. We envy you.

Boots n cats n boots n cats: A quick and easy phrase for beatbox beginners. Say it fast and you'll be beatboxing in no time. A tongue in cheek design for music lovers and others who like wordplay. Available in other colors.

Simple white letters on black background: "It's a grilled cheese kinda day." Some might say that it needs to be cold, grey, and wintery, but y'know, EVERY DAY is a grilled cheese kinda day if you want it to be. Because grilled cheese is the best.