Deadpan T-Shirts

Simple white letters on black background: "I have just had coffee or am on my way to get coffee." Add milk or keep it black; drink it sweet or bitter; you're always between coffees. Caffeine runs in your veins and oozes out your pores.

Simple white letters on black background: "Gen X sais quoi." Gen X - the forgotten generation. Everyone's all up on the Boomers and the Millennials but we exist, dammit! Not that anyone indicates they know that.

Simple white letters on black background: Maybe swearing will help. Some days there's just not a lot you can do. [expletive deleted]

It's actually my second rodeo

At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I'd just go.

Simple white letters on black background: "Making it up as I go." I hope you didn't think I know what I'm doing. There's a lot of winging it over here.

Jan. 1851: Russian author Leo Tolstoy confides to his diary that he'd fallen in love at a party, and then as an afterthought - "Bought a horse which I don't need at all." Ah yes, unnecessary horse; who hasn't been there?! Style variations available.

Simple white letters on black background: "Sorry, sunshine, wrong place." Don't go all anti-science around Winston Peters (or anyone else smart). Sorry, sunshine, wrong place.

Simple white letters on black background: "approx 12% sriracha". When you reach for that red spicy chili sauce for every meal, and you order those bottles in bulk and consider growing your own peppers and garlic so you never run out.

Simple white letters on black background: "I did not know a year could be so long." Are you exhausted? Do the weeks both crawl and fly by while you stay in a sort of suspended reality? Yeah. Thought so.

Simple white letters on black background: "If you see someone with pizza, call me." Ahh, pizza. The food of the gods. And of frat boys everywhere. It's universal. Tons of garlic and some excellent cheese and I'll follow you anywhere.

This Is My Second Rodeo

Simple white letters on black background: "BAD ART FRIEND". Because did you donate a kidney? Well, did you? And did you congratulate me enough? WELL DID YOU? WHO IS THE BAD ART FRIEND?! (it's you)

Simple white letters on black background: "Going through some things." Be kind. I'm going through some things. Some of them aren't even my fault.

Simple white letters on black background: "If you see someone with donuts, call me." Do you prefer bear claws, crullers, plain old cake, simple glazed, classic sprinkles, or those fancy ones with the bacon bits and unicorn farts? Any will do.

at the end of every beer bottle....

Simple white letters on black background: "What doesn't kill you still tried to kill you." Forget making you stronger. We don't need bootstraps or tough love. Give yourself some credit and if you're surviving, you're doing great.

Simple white letters on black background: "coulda woulda shoulda". Ehhhhh *shrug* maybe there are some things you coulda done differently, but no regrets, hey? Unless you decided not to get vaxxed. Regret that, and then rectify it while you can.

Simple white letters on black background: "I have just had tea or am on my way to get tea." Maybe you're British; maybe you're an Aussie grandpa about to put the kettle on and get out the biscuit tin. But it's time for a cuppa tea.

Simple white letters on black background: "WHAT A STUPID TIME TO BE ALIVE". To be fair, there have been more stupid times than smart times. Renaissance: Great. Serfdom, Black Death, and Trump as president - not great.

Simple white letters on black background: "If being gay was a choice, I'd choose to be gayer." Get along with you, Karen, and take your shrill nonsensical judgment with you.

Simple white letters on black background: "Going through a stage." No one has to know how long this particular stage is. A whole lifetime can be a stage, right?! You do you. Introvert, extrovert, ambivert, or just "Ehhh, people."

Simple white letters on black background: "Going through a stage." No one has to know how long this particular stage is. A whole lifetime can be a stage, right?! You do you. Introvert, extrovert, ambivert, or just "Ehhh, people."

Simple white letters on black background: "Why go big when you can go home?" There's really nothing more to add to this (unless you can answer the question, in which case get in touch). Home rules.

Simple white letters on black background: "I'D RATHER BE AT BRUNCH". Well, who wouldn't?! Chicken and waffles. Bottomless mimosas. Eggs benedict or pancakes or French toast or bacon or - well. You get the picture. Brunch is life.

Simple white letters on black background: "I have just eaten bacon or am on my way to get bacon." Life is a never-ending parade of bacon and some of us like it like that. Tasty salted pig parts; nom nom.

"If you wanna be a cowgirl, you're gonna need a horse" in pink and orange western or saloon style letters. Cowgirls everywhere have to get themselves kitted out, so grab your boots and your hat and your lasso and your horse.

Simple white letters on black background: "I'D RATHER BE AT BRUNCH". Well, who wouldn't?! Chicken and waffles. Bottomless mimosas. Eggs benedict or pancakes or French toast or bacon or - well. You get the picture. Brunch is life.

Simple white letters on black background: "I have just eaten tacos or am on my way to get tacos." Are they hipster or are they simply classic? Doesn't matter; tacos are just the best. Well, all Tex Mex is pretty aces; that's just facts.

Simple white letters on black background: "I would have replied but I didn't want to." Yeah. Sometimes you just gotta leave people on read. Because replying is just too much effort.

Simple white letters on black background: "salty". Sometimes righteous irritation is the only correct response. Other times, you're just being petty (that design's here too; take a look around).

Due to unfortunate circumstances, I am out of bed. I have better things do, like nap.

Simple white letters on black background: "Dark Robinette cancels malarkey". Sure, you can cheer for Dark Brandon or chant let's go, but in the end Dark Brandon is gettin' things done. Not even joking.

Simple white letters on black background: "chaotic good". Do tumult and craziness follow in your wake, but people are always smiling and happy to see you? You break things but also make things? Bringer of chaos AND goodness.

Simple white letters on black background: "A year of lockdown has not improved my social skills." Have you been talking only to the cat? Been cutting your own hair? Forgotten how to smile? Yeah, join the post-pandemic club.

Simple white letters on black background: "Nuance? Never heard of it." Maybe there's no room for grey/gray in your worldview - everything's black or white, good or bad, up or down, awesome or terrible. This is for you.