ProbePhobe - Universal Lubricant for Alien Abductions Tapestry

It's a crappy job. You joined the space corps to explore the universe and discover strange new worlds, but now you’re stuck assisting the science officer in his laboratory in the lower decks of the craft. Most of the testing and medical examinations you have to do on abductees aren’t too bad, but those extensive probing sessions are a real chore. Luckily there’s a new product on the market guaranteed to make your job less stressful, ProbePhobe - Universal Lubricant. Experimentation on sentient life forms made easy!