FamiLane

Yes, I am as fierce as I look right now. I’d recommend you maintain your distance. We are not like clumsy little pandas, once I catch you, and remember I will because I am very fast, I’ll tear you apart bone by bone and whatever you do I am most likely not going to go down quite easily. They call me a grizzly bear, so I have to live up to my name, you know. Otherwise, everyone would keep poking their heads into my life.

Nibble, nibble, nibble, oh my, theses leaves taste great! Would you keep watching me while I eat now? Can’t a man eat in peace anymore? Look I know everything looks really pretty, the sun is setting down, clouds are floating about, and I am holding a branch of a tree as if my life depends on it. But now that you have taken my photograph, the longer you are standing here, the creepier it is getting. Fine, I won’t sue you for taking my photograph without permission now hush!

Popcorns hot and ready, drinks on the table and the TV is on. You all know what's going to happen – It’s football season, baby. As the players take up their positions, and our hearts thrum with the thrill of excitement and joy the whistle is blown and then, it’s game on. After that, you know what you witness will be a sight for sore eyes. You’ll watch humans move like vampires, with Herculean strength and an unbelievable hand to eye coordination. It’s game on for a reason, folks!

Running can be a bit of a daunting task for some people. Of course, I am not one of them. I mean, who even loves bumming around, eating chips or burgers while sipping refreshing drinks as your favorite TV show is playing. It seems I got a little lost in my reverie. I don’t mind running but lazing around is just so attractive. That is why running needs just a little motivation. Like let a dinosaur loose behind you, that’ll definitely do the trick. Yes, I am talking from experience.

Man, don’t I look cool. Me running all sideways, holding my ball like a baby who I never want to let go unless, of course, I do a touchdown after which the ball goes flying away because of my gleefulness. I never really thought about it, but the uniform makes me look even cooler. I look like the ultra-manly man. Inside though my heart is beating like crazy and I sweat as if I am showering. Football, what a sport!

Oh, come on! This is nerve-wracking. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be chased by the fashion police all the time? I already see some new faces popping. If you don’t like me, that’s fine. You are the one who is at a loss and most likely going to miss out on the most glorious foot experience. My soft-rubbery soles and just two plastic straps will basically, let your feet breathe and you’ll feel like you are walking on clouds. Ah, I think I was born at the wrong time.

You know I remember those days when everybody thought that flamingos were funny looking. I mean, who could be colored like a little girl’s bedroom. And my long bent knees and legs were, well you know not really that attractive. Then we decided to inhabit a beach, you know to get away from everyone but then due to some miracle, we became attractive and gorgeous to everyone all of a sudden. Now we even pose occasionally to get some good photographs of us. Look at us now, some of us standing on one leg and all, surrounded by trees. It’s perfect!

I am sure by know all the selfie maniacs have taken enough photos for you to know about the Flamingo Beach. But I’d like to give you the perspective of a person who is there on the beach so that you are finally enticed enough to take the vacation of your life. Pristine sandy beaches and all the lazy bums have the time of their life as they sip in cool drinks while taking in the scenery of natural beauty but just add flamingos to the scenario. Scattered in water and land alike they look no less than majestic pink statues. And you know what I’d go crazy with the selfies too there!

Folks, throughout my whole life, I’ve wished for just one thing – Endless Summers. Do you even understand the magnitude of joy endless summers entail? The pile of all the books never read, being in places holding utmost beauty in any corner of the world, any hobby I could never pursue consider them all done, done, and done. It’s not endless summers I’m talking about it’s basically, going to be endless fun. Imagine doing the thing you most love, it’s like summers set the perfect stage for it. Ah, only if I had a genie who could grant me just one wish!

Look, the world is full of, I am just saying this to be polite, “different” people. As long as flat earth believers exist, I think I am pretty much at liberty to pass some weird theories of my own. I believe that humans evolved so they could play ball. I call it the eballution theory. There I said it. Phew, feels like a load off my shoulders. I know I have just dropped a huge bomb, but it feels like everything was planned so that humans could play all those games that require holding the ball while we move or jump around. Ah, the theory sounded much cooler in my head!

Let me tell you all what the human body really wants. It has this organ called a “stomach” which on eating instills the most gratifying sensation. Do you know what makes eating way more soul satisfying? Tongue, you all know what I am talking about. Moving on, our body loves a good, snug, and soft little bed that carries us far away into the dreamland where we are kings and queens. Last but not least, we have hockey. Find me one thing that combines, ice, thrill, speed, and fun in one place. Eat, sleep, hockey, and, definitely, repeat!

You know I am not even half as scary as humans make me out, except when someone is trying to get way too close to my family. It’s not a joke to me, period. Also, please get it out of your brain that I eat human infants. How even? Anyway, having a scary and serious face helps a lot. First, I look really wise, which I think I pretty much am. Then, everyone keeps associating me with the symbol of power, courage, and success. Which is more or less a literary hocus pocus I don’t really want to get into. Someone drew this portrait of me with rainbow colors. Man, I look grand!

Ideal vacation? Well, it definitely has to have something that involves a whole lot of natural beauty. There should be trees, cool turquoise waters, sandy beaches, with the swaying palm trees occasionally shedding their coconuts and then, of course, – Dolphins. I mean imagine swimming yourself, gliding through refreshing waters as a dolphin or two accompany you. There’s no way you won’t fall in love with them or maybe even try to kiss them. Also, you’ll gain a whole lot of bragging rights after that!

Do you have any idea of the horror I witnessed today? I think I am going to be in shock for days. I learned about this little thing called “taxidermy” today, and I really didn’t know about the repercussions it had for us deer folks. So, I was walking by this house, and I thought why not peer in through some windows and oh dear lord! There it was a deer head with all its antlers looking so alive yet being so dead at the same time. Moreover, someone had painted rainbow colors all over it. Why, why, just why?

Look, I love humans, and they love me back a lot. It’s just their way of showing me love is a bit unconventional sometimes, as can be seen from the shades I am wearing. They thought I would look full of swag with those. I mean, they weren’t wrong. The orange shades nicely compliment my somewhat orange yet brown and black fur. Take as many photos as you want but hurry up I have to go cuddle and sleep with my human, okay?

I remember that fateful day, which I was way too excited about, of course, at that time I didn’t know what was going to hit me. It was my dad who had decided to teach me basketball. I was happy, really, and I was excited too. I thought well, “dad knows everything. He’ll teach me so well.” Oh dear lord! I still remember when he did start teaching me. I wanted to run away as far as I could. He did teach me basketball, it’s just that dad also knew how to embarrass me, and himself while doing so.

Ah, the glory, too much glory of being the star symbol of American football. If I may, I think I can even go as far as to say that I have become, somewhat, of a symbol of the nation itself. All thanks go to those coaches who didn’t run south after seeing me. I mean, I always used to think what kind of a weird shaped ball am I, but now I know how blessed I am to be oval and pointy. Right now, I am flying so that I can score a field goal. It’s a coach trying to teach a youngling. Man, I love them!

Beholding the grace and fierceness of a thousand golden suns we cheetahs have added elegance and bewitching beauty to the animal kingdom. Do you realize that our bodies are made in a way to make us the fastest animals in the world? We even have tear marks running down our face so that even the mighty sun can’t stop us from hunting. Don’t even get me started on our spots. My portrait here with these colored rainbow sports depict the nuances of my talents. Let’s just say I have seen a lot of animals and there ain’t nobody like me.

The ringing of bell and sea of testosterone as the crowd hums in the energy of excitement and thrill of the coming fight, boxing can liven up your nerves. When the gloves of the opponents hit, you know its game on! Punches are thrown, hisses are heard, and spits are also seen being projected into buckets. Really boxing is the whole package deal. If you want to learn what power, strength, resilience, and true fights feel like, then you, my friend, need boxing in your life.

Discipline, discipline, and a whole lot of discipline is what boxing is really about. It’s not you letting loose, your inner rebel who wants to unleash its wrath on the world, and basically, try to destroy it. No, sir. You are civilized, humble, and brainy more than brawny if you are a true boxer. It is not an activity meant to get some hoots and display a haughty show of power. Real boxing is for real men.

Hundreds of years ago, someone decided to create something that looked like me – A Ball. But that wasn’t the end of it of course. I was honed to become way more circular, and so, I was born to play. There wasn’t just one of me, but many of me created for the sole purpose of being hit around and at, thrown around, fly around, get splashed in mud or be put in sweaty hands or arms even. But just for the sake of my glory forget all that and remember the good things like how important I am, and basically, there’d be no sports without me. Ha!

Imagine a utopia where happiness and serenity are all we have. Do you know where we live in that utopia? Beaches because they have unparalleled beauty. From lush palm trees offering coconuts as refreshing treats, to pristine sandiness, and turquoise blue waters that look like gems in the dying rays of sun beaches are every person’s dream. Also, what a nice tan you can get there! That is why it would be quite apt to say beauty and beaches go hand in hand.

Summers can be a real delight. The profuse sweating, parched throats, and the lovely, lovely mosquitoes can drive many to the brink of plain madness. I found the perfect solution to beat the heat, though. I mean, it’s so obvious that I feel a little silly saying it out loud. Stay cool folks, and you won’t feel the heat. All you’ll need is a nice pair of shades and, of course, an umbrella. Both of them can you make look, and feel cool, at the same time. How smart am I?

You know there’s something about the word “beach” that whenever someone hears it, they might hear drums start playing in their minds as a gentle breeze sways the palm trees while the sun is gently setting over the horizon. Then obviously there’s the fresh blue water, slapping against the shoreline and a general aura of happiness that is spread all around. There also the sensation of utter calm and peace that can overpower anyone once they hear of beaches. Ah, what a nature’s delight they are!

You know you enjoy winning way more if you fail a whole lot at something. That’s what baseball can feel like people, as the tendrils of excitement lighten up the whole mood of the game to the last minute. It’s leisurely, nostalgic, and so much fun to play and watch. You can’t understand what I mean if you haven’t had the firsthand experience of hitting a bomb or striking the best hitter ever. All I want to say is that I am not going anywhere anytime soon as I dwell the hearts, not just the minds of people. I am baseball.

Ow, here I go again, toiling my life away flying through the air while a bat continues to make my life miserable. We bicker a lot, bat and me. And the size difference always prevails, you know. It ends up pushing me, and I fly away like air. You know the sensation of sitting in the front seat of a roller coaster? That’s exactly what it feels like being me. I have no idea where I am going, but I feel I’ll die!

It’s my heroic shot again. It’s the point where stars start shining in the eyes of people and everyone looks at me as if there is a halo of holy light around me. I am reaching for the basket folks! The life of a basketball is that of glory, really. Everyone adores me for starters. They even shower me with hugs and kisses. I do know that life for me hurts sometimes but come on, you should look at the faces of those people who do a goal. Ball is life, peeps. It is the reason for my happiness!

Can you ever imagine someone whose reason for existence was being hit at? Well, won’t that be a tragedy. I am that tragedy – A Basketball. As much fun as people have when playing with me, they should keep feelings of other things into consideration. Although I am an inanimate object according to humans, so they won’t really ever know. Until then it’s being passed over from one sweaty hand into another and a basket. Ow, why do people have to hit so hard! Now look, the wall has cracked.

You know what I do whenever I get angry at someone? I invite them to a game of badminton so that I can hit the birdie back at them so hard that they’ll know never to mess with me. Other than my very selfish reasons, I really believe I can fly when I am playing badminton. It comes with an addictive rush, and you’d just want to keep playing it. Although beginners, please avoid jumping off the ground when you start playing badminton unless you want to get some killer cramps. I may or may not be talking from experience.

Ah, badminton, the love of my life! It’s like someone fills me with the colors of the rainbow when I am playing it. I don’t know if you have any idea about it, but the sensation of hitting the birdie right in the center of your racket can fulfill your soul for quite some time. It is so simple to play, and yet the focus required can be very intense folks! No one, I repeat no one should deprive themselves of the pleasure of playing this game.

Surfer, Scuba Diver, Swimmer, and a Kayaker do you know what they all have in common? They are all aquaholics. I think it doesn’t take a genius to realize what that means. They are addicted to their love for the water. It’s just that slapping waves, which silence every noise when you once submerge and a cool, refreshing sensation that engulfs your whole body, is a gift only water can grant. You know what actually, everyone is secretly an aquaholic the world would’ve stank otherwise!

Oh come on, go away! Can’t you see I am trying to lure in someone and you zooming your camera right into me isn’t really going to help me. I am already laying low by submerging most of myself in water. It’s already hard enough to find things to eat these days. Everyone is becoming way smarter these days. Somedays people even try to trick me, as if! If it weren’t for the fact that I am slightly scared of humans, you wouldn’t be standing there mister. Off you go now, see you later!

I am sure most of you know what a “refreshing breath” is, at least I hope you do. It’s just that I am the absolute manifestation of it. Why? You see that blue fresh, yet warm water, spouting on top of my head like a fountain, that’s why. We blue whales don’t really breathe as much as you humans do. So, whenever we make our grand appearance on the surface of the ocean like I am doing right now, we are actually quickly taking in and letting out a lot of air. Although my “let out” air comes in the package of a refreshing fountain with a lot of warm air, hehe.

There was once a time that I loved playing ball. I saw heaven whenever I saw a ball coming from far away because it was so much fun. But then everyone thought that ball was all I wanted. You see, even now I have a blue and white striped, you guessed it, – Ball. It’s to make me look cute and all because I have blue color too. But ever heard of, “everyone like variety in their life”? If you had, I would be playing with different toys. Soon my blue eyes will turn red, and then the world will witness the wrath of a dolphin.

Okay so, the time has come for me to tell you all how we turtles became so domesticated and well, got stuck with humans. It’s because we are slow, okay? Also, they sometimes give us really nice treats to eat like just last night I was fed a strawberry. For me, it’s mostly the latter reason. Drinking dirty water all the time takes its toll on me, you know. It’s not really bad here either, I mean they got me this huge fish tank so I can swim freely in it. Look, how graceful I look while paddling away in my tank. They even change the water regularly. My green skin now looks as fresh and bright as grass!

Oh come on, I am not just another guava who is going to bore you with our nutritional facts. Yes, we are full of vitamins, fibers, and minerals, but I cannot hear another word about it. So, let’s talk about me now. As you can see I am young and budding guava, from the dark green color, I’ll soon be ripe and become a boring adult. But hey, life is short and I am the kind of fruit who believes in living in the moment. One day I saw this acrobat on TV walking on a ball, and I was amazed beyond measure. Naturally, I got myself a rainbow-colored ball and learned to walk on it. It feels amazing!