Ketchum Magnets

Another great illustration from renowned artist Paul Cemmick's Country Music Artists Collection

So you want to be a Bezosnaut and go to space with Jeff Bezos. A Dutch teenager did it and paid $28 million for the flight. Sadly, you’re a couple of million dollars short, right? Solution: Wear this tee. Walk around with an empty mug with the same plea for money. Be sure to rattle the cup. It’ll help attract attention. Folks will rush to fill it with bills. If all else fails, buy a Virgin Galactic ticket for a mere $250,000. That includes a spacesuit! Gift a friend this inspirational design on a mug or magnet, tee or hoodie so you have someone to go with on the flight. See my web page for more of my art: www.peterjketchum.com. But buy stuff here first. Please. I too need money to become a Bezosnaut.

We’re headed to a Meta Universe—a metaverse. A place of multidimensional connective experience. A digitally created, pretend world! Well, I’m not going. I want to be right here in the real world having live, actual, immersive experiences. Sure, I am all for scientific advances. But not tech that contributes to more dehumanizing and more disconnection. Alternate reality? Metaverses? You won’t find me there. I am Meta ADverse. Join me and the MA’s. Become a Meta ADverser. Cast off the chains of Tech Totalitarianism! Set yourself free! Save the world.

GUN FREEZE is adapted from my original large painting which was based on the 1800s US Patent application for a "TOOL TO PROTECT UNALIENABLE RIGHTS." That tool was the revolver. Well, them unalienable rights has got a bit out of hand. FREE us from the out of control sale of guns. Compromise. Find a balance both sides can agree on. Don't shoot. Play nice. This design on tees, pillows, stickers and other merchandise here in the KetchumArt Store.The original painting or digital prints are available on my Artspan pages: www.peterjketchum.com. But buy mugs and things here first. Thanks.

Sometimes you just don't want to talk. Bacause you are conversationally overloaded. Or because you are hungover. Or want no outside noise. Whatever. Warn people with this tee. DON'T TALK. In other words, Shut the F*ck up! Enough already. Just be QUIET! Adapted from a 1940's government poster which showed a cop raised hand and the words, "Stop Needless Noise. Help keep America Calm." Something that should be practiced more often whether live talk or electronic talk. Keep America calm. Think before you speak. Or just don't speak. Cruz. Cotton. Hannity. Blackburn. Inane influencers. I'm talking to you. DON'T TALK. Also available on prints in different sizes at my Artspan Prints on Demand page: www.peterjketchum.com.

The world is my martini. Is it yours, too? The novelist Patricia Highsmith was first to write words to that effect. Her contemporary Thurber said one martini is okay, two are too many, and three aren”t enough. George Burns never jogged with martini in hand. It might spill. Speaking of martinis, here’s my newest minor graphic. It’s for martini lovers and is available here on aprons, pillows, tees and stuff. Lots of stocking stuffer stuff, and affordable gifts for your drinking buddies. The graphic is also available in a signed edition of five on my real art web at Artspan. Here’s that info: www.peterjketchum.com. Bottoms up!

Enough already! Covoid! Climate change! Inflation! Time for a little joy. Or big JOY as shown in my pop art Beethoven. I stole the main image from Joseph Karl Stieler’s famous portrait of Beethoven. In Steiler’s work LVB looks grumpy as hell. So I gave him a smile. It’s more in keeping with the Joy I was after The kind sung about in Ode to Joy from Beethoven’s famous symphony. Joyful joyful it says. Listen and be joyful. I’m not the only one btw to highjack Stieler’s work. Andy Warhol did too. But his Beethoven portrait sold for $370,964,000. And mine? Yours for obscenely low prices on tees, magnets, mugs and stuff in my shop. Buy some. I will be joyfully thankful. (FYI, my fine art can be seen on artspan www.peterjketchum.com)

Hey, heads up. Here are some perfect gifts for Bald Guys. Buy a gift and pass this spurious info on to them. Quacks think balding can be slowed down with tonics, laser caps, and homemade remedies. Egyptians rubbed into their scalps a goopy mix of opium, horseradish, pigeon droppings, and hippopotamus fat. Julius Caesar covered his baldness with a laurel wreath. King Louis wore very tall scented wigs. The Greeks thought castration helped cure it. Yikes! Don’t try. Maybe use the royal executioner of France's method. He ended Marie Antoinette’s hair troubles forever with Dr. Joseph-Ignace Guillotin’s nifty invention. Chop. Thud. Find the amusing design on a variety of stuff here in my KetchumArt Store. Thanks.

Albert Schweitzer said it first. “There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.” So I put it on merchandise with Trillium, a most darling cat. These are miserable times. Pandemics. Inflation. Fat cat billionaires taking all the stuff and flying to the moon. Tucker Snarlson. Inane politicians. It isn’t meat meat. Climate stuff. I say snuggle up on the couch with your pet, human or four-legged. Light up a fire and good cigar. Pour a superb wine, maybe the 2017 Petrus Bordeaux Blend. Turn on Mozart or Motown. And relax. Trouble will quietly disappear like a well-fed cat. Before you get too settled tho, go on line and order this design on a tee, magnet, pillow or other gift-able item here in my store. Thanks.

Brock

Spring! New energy. A time to kick up your heels. Try daring pink. Ignore social media and its inane "PINK STINKS" campaign. Kick it up everyone. Unicorns, too. Kick it and dance. In any color you want. Think pink. As in margaritas. Or cherry blossoms. Or tee shirts and hoodies. After you buy stuff here in the Ketchum Art Shop, have a look at my fine art on Artspan, www.peterjketchum.com.

NVME. Alas, admit it. You are green with envy even if It is a sin. What the hell, that’s your friend wearing NVME. The friend’s great. An egomaniac maybe, but great. This gift on a tee or mug or pillow is a way to say you agree with the envy thing because there is reasonable cause for the friend to be envied. So stylish. So smart. So great to look at. So rich. Enviable. Or, you could gift yourself since, you know, everyone does NVU. As well they should.

Someone having a rough day? You? A friend? Take the advice of the Brits. Keep a stiff upper lip. Keep calm and carry on. All that Brit stuff. Great gift to cheer someone up who is under attack by illness, the fates or life in general. Or maybe just overwhelmed. Stick your neck out. Take a risk. Gift a friend in need of cheering up.

Four letter golf F words? Flag. Fore. And the forbidden one. It rhymes with puck. Oh. Wait. That's another game. Here's a bold golfer gift for fairway amateurs, I mean REALLY amateur. So reward themwith a tee or mug for trying. Funny design. But not really if you are the curser. Nothing is funny about golf!

This design on tees, magnets and stuff is adapted from the title and cover of 1935 sheet music by Victor Herbert. The warning is updated for those contemplating the inhalation of love. The lyrics say things like, “hearts aglow” and “the thrill touched my lips.” But they also say love “fades away with the flick of your fingertips.“ Oh, and “leaves ashes of regret.” Yikes. Anyway, go ahead kids. Try it with the full knowledge that love's highly addictive. And hazardous to your health. (Broken heart, heavy breathing, etc.) See gift ideas and everything with the design here: www.teepublic.com/ketchumart. And see my fine art on Artspan, www/peterjketchum.com. First buy your tees and pillows on teepublic.

With a net worth of hundreds of billions of dollars, Jeff Bezos is the second richest man in the world. And you are, like, what? Maybe 7,915,578,136 billionth richest person. If Bezos money was converted to dimes and stacked up in a pile, it’d reach the moon. Probably. Bezos’s Latin motto is Gradatim Ferociter. It means go step by step, but step ferociously. Don’t pussyfoot. Be fierce! Make JB’s motto yours, and maybe someday in a hundred years or so you can boast, MINE ALL MINE! Wear this tee shirt EVERY DAY and it will happen. Buy it here: www.teepublic.com/ketchumart. And see my finer art on here www.peterjketchum.com.

Frills

This tongue in cheek graphic on tees, pillows and stuff is a simple motivational beauty guide for your complete metamorphous. Granted it involves an icky larva stage, but then you get to sleep in late and wake up as beautiful as a butterfly. What’s not to like? Beauty’s big in 2022. Ugly is out. Buy gallons of youth serums. Get cheek implants. Puff up those weak lips with silicone. Raise your forehead. Lower your ass. Eat to the point of malnutrition. Dye the gray. Be anchor-lady blonde. Be who you aren’t. Be a caterpillar with the promise of butterfly beauteousness. If you have a friend in need of beauty tips, this design is a perfect gift. you know it’s a joke, right? A tad sci-fi-ish. BTW, this advice is for any gender.

Triple the cats, triple the chances of catching 'em all!

Here's stuff for thinkers, and who doesn't. Think. Psychologists, gamers, and game theorists play The Game. The goal is to avoid thinking about The Game. Thinking about it constitutes a loss. You cannot refuse to play it. You can never stop playing it. The Game ends only when the Prime Minister of England announces on TV that "The Game is up." The Game may have been started at Cambridge by members of its Science Fiction Society. Who knows. I don't even want to think about it.

Identify as MALE? Declare it and then no one has to ask or guess. Like it's any of their bizness anyway. Such a question could give a guy a hissy fit. Yeesh.

Present this honorary Noble Prize in Physicks to someone blessed with self-importance and poor spelling skills. The award can be in the form of a tee shirt, pillow or a variety of other gifts. The Alfred E. Newmanesque noble winner pictured is an adapted target face from a carnival game. By the way, the real NOBEL PRIZE awarded by Swedish royalty is not the same as the Noble Prize awarded by Brooklyn N'er do wells. The Noble Prize is far, far more prestigious. FYI, TROLL PHYSICS, also known as Troll Science, grew out of a rage comic series full of pseudo-scientific drawings that were notable for their obvious (to scientists, not me) errors and fake scientific illustrations.

Announcement. I am the real thing, not an A.I creation. Nothing artificial or robotic or alien. A human being. Gifts for programmers, engineers, computer people and real honest to god humans. Or very smart machines who know how to order in bulk.

Sweet, cute kitten design on many gifts for cat lovers. The Assault Kitty pokes her head through the vintage matchbox label of a Swedish match company. Looks innocent, but do be wary. Cats can be sneaky. Particularly if you are a bird. Kitty's available to wear on a tee shirt while drinking from an Assault Kitty mug and writing cat poems in an Assault Cat notebook.For more about the award-winning artist see www.peterjketchum.com

Our design on a tee or tote says it graphically: this BAE is suffocating here. I need a break. I need space. Distance between us. A time out. Way out. Like, as far as outer space. As emergency measures go, a time-out is better than a breakup, right? Or not. Who knows if you’ll dock again. Maybe. Maybe not. Find the design on tees, totes, phone cases, pins, magnets, pillows, etc. in the Ketchum Art Store. Then see Art with bigger ideas and price tags on my Artspan web www.peterjketchum.com. Thanks. And cheer up. They say the view of Earth from space is breathtaking.

EEEEEEEEEKKKK! A gray hair. One gray hair. A sign you’re old. Near death old. Washed up. Over the hill. Undesirable. What a crock! The first gray hairs are a rite of passage. Woman or man, it says you’re older, yes. But it also says you are wiser. And, most importantly, human. Hair color is a shallow, utterly useless and ridiculous measure of self-worth. Hair color doesn’t mean anything at all, unless you decide it does, maybe by coloring it pink or purple or some other color beyond the norm. The design is available on tees, pillows, magnets, notebooks and a bunch of other stuff. Buy a tee or hoodie and wear it ironically because you are in on the joke. Buy stuff here then see my oh so Fine Art on Artspan www.peterjketchum.com

A truth-speaking Me Mug or tee or some of the other stuff designed for the exceptionally self-assured. Because that's what it IS about. You. Looking out for numero uno. It should be all about you, right! In this Trumpian era SOMEBODY has to look out for you. Might want to get the mask too. But don't wear it while sipping from the Me Mug. Just saying. Idea: be snide and give a Ketchum Art ME GIFT to your best frenemy. She'll hate it but secretly admire its truth

“Be an apple! Be an apple!” Paul Cézanne the painter yelled at his models. He wanted them to be very still. Something we today rarely are. So what do you do? Be an apple! Increase your mindfulness. Take in and relish sensations. Ringo Starr sang, “Stop and take the time to smell the roses/Stop and take the time to fill your noses/ Stop, there's no train to catch, no there isn't, /No, no, no/ Come on, everybody/Stop when you're in a car/Roll down your window and say/Brother, let's get out and walk, let's go! Can you hear me?/Stop in the name of the law!” Take the advice of Ringo. Stop. Be as still as an apple! At least slow down. And while sitting quietly, order some gifts for your friend who also needs to slow down and be an apple.

"Here's to beer, here's to cheer, here's to beer." Boys and girls! What time is it? It's BEER O'CLOCK. Yes it is. In a can. In a stein. In a mug or straight from the keg. It's BEER O'CLOCK. Any time. Any where. So, here's to you. Gan bei! Proost! Sante! Salud! Zum Wohl. Gesondheid. And CHIN CHIN. And here's to beer. Buy a Beer O'Clock mug to fill with beer and a Beer O'Clock tee to drink. (The Beer O'Clock travel mug is bigger. Just saying.) Beer art also available on my Artspan page www.peterjketchum.com. But shop here first, and with no restraint. Bottom's up.

An ANTIKA (anti-kale) gift for you and your meat-eating friends. Kind of morbid, eating people, but kale and green cleanses are deadly, too. The adapted quote is from singer-songwriter Ted Nugent who said, “Vegetarians are cool. All I eat are vegetarians--except for the occasional mountain lion steak.“ We jest, of course. Don’t go eating any vegetarians. Stick with free-range mountain lion steaks. The anti-veggie design is on tees, pillows mugs and magnets. Order something for the meat eater in your life. Or something for yourself. P.S. Seriously though, do eat meat and fish in moderation. Better for your health, and the planet.

Bright red flowers make it hard to ignore your power message: I'll show you! Is it a challenge? A threat? A boast? Whatever, it's a message with attitude. It's full of confidence and can-do. A little don't mess with me and a little bit can I help you. Yet, it's pretty too. Nice gift for a girlfriend. Find the design on tees, a magnet, a pillow and a bunch of stuff. After you make your purchase here on Teepublic, check out my award-winning fine art on Artspan, www.peterjketchum.com.

As an outsider looking in, do you wonder if being a genius is a burden? Me too. So I answered my own question in graphic form. More smart ass than just plain smart. The background is either a math formula or the formula for making lethal weapons. Who knows? It just looked pretty.

So what if your cyber friend exists only in the ether of your imagination. A Meta Friend is better than no friend. A Meta Friend is platonic relationship but evolve from a Meta Friendship into a Meta Love. Meta Love can lead to Meta Inducement which is, like, a superpower. Mistress Love in Marvel Comics has Meta Love Inducement. So does Aphrodite in the Valkyrie Crusades. Meta Love Inducement lets you manipulate all aspects of love. Be careful. It can easily lead to Meta Lust Inducement, a nasty power. For now, be content with your Meta Friend or it gets terribly complicated. Your Meta Friendship is celebrated here with tee shirts, pillows, mugs, etc. Buy gifts and stuff for your REAL friends. Who knows what it will lead to.

You have got the Zap plate

You have got the Icicle plate