Deadpan T-Shirts

Simple white letters on black background: "I just want pockets." Why is this the biggest goal of the 21st century? Come on now, fashion industry, we just want pockets. Things go in them. They're useful. Pockets.

Simple white letters on black background: "day drinker". Pandemic, the imminent heat death of the universe, and rampant ignorance got you down? Join the club. We're serving mimosas.

Simple white letters on black background: "I want to be in the room where the snacks are." In these apocalypse times, we have modest ambitions. Forget where it happens; I want to be in the room where the snacks are. Click boom.

This is my second rodeo is sarcasm sayings clothing merchandise, sarcastic quotes lover gift items. makes the perfect tee to sarcasm. Great gift for your father, mother, uncle, aunti, boy or girl. son, daughter, husband, wife or friend It's good for adults too. perfect for a birthday, graduation or any gifts giving ocasion

Simple white letters on black background: "Going through the motions." If you're exhausted you're completely normal. It's been a helluva time. You're doing fine. Keep going.

Simple white letters on black background: "[swear words]" Gahh! [swear words]! it's all so [adjective]!

If at first you don't succeed, give up.

Simple white letters on black background: "Good enough." In apocalypse times, maybe we don't need to strive for excellent. Perhaps we're good enough as we are.

Simple white letters on black background: "cat lady". It's kinda come full circle, hasn't it? Cat ladies used to be misunderstood and looked down upon, whereas now it's something to aspire to. Cat lady and proud.

Simple white letters on black background: "Biting my tongue." Because sometimes even when you have all the opinions, no words are the best words. Even when there's tea, there's a time to keep quiet.

You gotta be polite but things are crappy. Gosh darn it. Pass the tea. Saloon-style old west letters in bright pink and orange with sheriff stars; perfect for cowboys, cowgirls, and non-binary cowpersons everywhere.

Simple white letters on black background: "Fetch WILL happen." Don't stop trying to make fetch happen. Fetch WILL happen. Oh yes, it will.

Melville's classic anti-hero Bartleby is known for his catchphrase: "I would prefer not to". Whether you're tongue in cheek or serious, if the answer is NOPE and LEAVE ME ALONE, this is for you. Available in other colors.

Simple white letters on black background: "dilettante". Do you dabble here and there? Pick up this, then that? Banjo, then lino printing, then taxidermy? You might be a dilettante. Lean in.

Simple white letters on black background: "thornback". So turns out "spinster" is just for the young women; an unmarried woman over 26 (?!) used to be known as a thornback. Which - yeah, sure, ok.

Simple white letters on black background: "Got smallpox? Me neither. Thanks science!" Science beats your opinion, and your YouTube diving, and what racist Uncle Tucker said at dinner. Get vaxxed. Be healthy. That's science.

Simple white letters on black background: I know words. I have the best words. When The Former Guy (y'know, 45, that one) claimed this there was no adequate response. Except to put it on a t-shirt, of course.

Simple white letters on black background: "I am fun." Does it help to tell people in advance how fabulous you are? Let's find out, shall we?

Simple white letters on black background: "How many is too many cats?" It's a rhetorical question, of course. Because as long as you can take care of them, there's no such thing as too many cats. Cat lady? Rejoice!

Simple white letters on black background: "Mom, can you come pick me up?" I've had enough party and I've eaten enough cake and I'm tired and I'm ready for bed. For introverts and ambiverts and anyone who's had enough peopling.

You're on mute. The WFH saying of the decade.

Simple white letters on black background: "Katie Porter's whiteboard stan account." When Katie Porter brings out the whiteboard, all those idiots better STFU. We stan.

Simple white letters on black background: "Katie Porter's whiteboard stan account." When Katie Porter brings out the whiteboard, all those idiots better STFU. We stan.

"salty" in black Gothic letters, similar to antique blackletter font styles. Because being salty is a long and glorious tradition and you should wear it like a badge of honor. There's a LOT to be salty about these days. Also available in white.

Simple white letters on black background: "potato seeking couch". For introverts and ambiverts and those who just want to stay home in their jammies and watching TV and eat grilled cheese. Ah, that's the life.

Simple white letters on black background: "Luddite". Don't show me your new-fangled Twitters. I'm happy with my typewriter.

Me? Never happier.

Living my okayest life.

You're alright - let's not get too sentimental.

Simple white letters on black background: "approx 12% torta". Trust Mexico to come up with the best sandwich! Crema, guacamole, carne asada, pork leg, frijoles... what will you choose? Add that red chipotle salsa to make it amazing!

Simple white letters on black background: "my back hurts". Some days it's because you did too much; some days you just slept wrong! Why can't we all go on being young and invincible forever?

Simple white letters on black background: "404: Gender not found." For gender-fluid and gender-queer theydies and gentlethems everywhere. Be your glorious self.

Simple white letters on black background: "I want to be invited, but I don't want to go." Ah, the introvert's endless conundrum: We want to feel loved, but we don't actually want to GO anywhere. Invite me, but let me stay home!

Simple white letters on black background: "Aunt Fancy". When you're this kind of auntie, you just know. You like things just so; you got your own style; you got the confidence - make way for Aunt Fancy.

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

Simple white letters on black background: "Highly caffeinated." Consider it an ingredient label, or maybe a recommendation. Highly caffeinated at all times. Maybe not while sleeping. But maybe so; I'm not judging.