I have no faith in human
perfectibility. I think that human exertion will have no appreciable effect upon humanity. Man is now only more active - not more happy - nor more wise, than he was 6000 years ago.
I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have
periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate
attempt to escape from torturing
memories, from a sense of
insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.