Chrimbo Tapestries

Illustration of a snowman with his own personalized stocking pegged to the washing line.

The jolly ol’ Daddy Chrimbo says hello!

Reminiscent of those posters you’d see in the 1980’s for animated films. A montage of a variety of odd-looking characters. Some of them have red eyes; are they the ‘baddies’? Who knows? Who cares? Well, perhaps that person at your Christmas party will enough to ask you what it’s all about. At this point you can act all smug like it’s a film ANY cool person has seen and recommend they watch it too. You can then carry on enjoying the party as they spend the rest of the evening on their phone trying to find any record of this cult animated classic.

Santa. Father Christmas. Daddy Chrimbo... whatever you choose to call him the smell is the same.

Santa Loves Oil Christmas Jumper

A long time ago, a generous lizard walked the Earth.

Hey, kids! Look up and see the gifts Santa has brought you; a bicycle, a unicorn toy and chunks of carrot!

Following The Great Flatulence War of Christmas 2092 there are seemingly no survivors, save a lonely sad Santa. In this field of skulls he roams, searching with ever-deepening sadness for somebody he can give a present to. A warning to us all, I’m sure you’ll agree.

A time of excess often becomes a time of intense stomach cramps. There’s so much delicious food and drink around we more often than not feel the need to cram it all into our faces. It seems like a good idea at the time but an hour or so later, as you hold the twenty-fifth cranberry liqueur-infused indulgent chocolate to your mouth something rumbling inside tells you you’ve made a very grave mistake. Cue several fruitless journeys to the toilet. Sat there on your porcelain throne your mind tells you “Poop!” but your stomach replies with an emphatic “No!”. War ensues between brain and bum with you caught up in the middle.

Happy as ever to bring gifts to everyone.

Santa looking jacked and ready to swing his sack.

weirdo with the beardo, he sees you when you are sleeping

The deep bass of the organ begins to sound as the demonic choir open their books and sing their unholy carols.

Show all the joy of the festive season.

And he so did ask for sprouts and with that he was given sprouts and those sprouts made wind and with that wicked wind he was cast out and known henceforth a dirty, smelly b*$%&!d.

Imagine if your child had drawn this picture. With this T-shirt you can remind everyone in the run-up to and during Christmas that the jolly fat man is watching them, always.

As midnight on Christmas Eve approaches, Santa and his minions gather in the woods and plan their next move.

You'd be thrilled to receive any of these amazing gifts for Christmas.

Abstract Christmas Card for all the Family

Get into the festive spirit with this hilarious funny This is My Christmas Jumper for Men and Women