Brootal Branding

Don't get fooled by low-effort bots on Facebook, this is the real deal! An 100% definitely not approved bootleg Ringling tee, celebrating the class of 2004's 20th reunion. :)

EBITDA: Earnings before interest, taxes, depreciation, and amortization. I still don't know how it works, it's some sort of mathemagician sorcery. Seems important for businesses, though!

KOWLOON! The Reckoning of Route 1! The Sepulchral Specter of Saugus! The Titanic Touchstone of Tiki! All you Brootie Patooties in Massachusetts know what I'm talking about. Slap this logo on anything you want. A shirt, a hoodie, a sticker, you name it.

KOWLOON! The Reckoning of Route 1! The Sepulchral Specter of Saugus! The Titanic Touchstone of Tiki! All you Brootie Patooties in Massachusetts know what I'm talking about. Grab your shirt today before the building gets torn down in the near future.

Aurora Borealis?! At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?! May I see it?

And as you can see on this slide, our year-over-year conversion rates from nu metal to death metal is up 33%, which is well over our projected numbers, so great job to the Conversion Ops Team. Next slide please. And here...nope, sorry, go back one...one more...And here, you'll see that despite some macro-economic djent factors at play, we've successfully sped up our blast beats by a whopping 64% compared to last quarter. There's still room for improvement with having our caveman riffs localized to emerging markets, but we all know it's a slow growth and we won't be seeing significant data until the end of the fiscal year.

And as you can see on this slide, our year-over-year conversion rates from nu metal to death metal is up 33%, which is well over our projected numbers, so great job to the Conversion Ops Team. Next slide please. And here...nope, sorry, go back one...one more...And here, you'll see that despite some macro-economic djent factors at play, we've successfully sped up our blast beats by a whopping 64% compared to last quarter. There's still room for improvement with having our caveman riffs localized to emerging markets, but we all know it's a slow growth and we won't be seeing significant data until the end of the fiscal year.

FUNGALORE - HE HEARD YOUR WISH. Kick off the new year (20fungalore) in style with this death metal styled MBMBAM fan tee. No one said he had to be cute!

Yes, I know the guac is extra. So am I.

We also have this in a blue-and-yellow variant, check out the store page for other designs! This Austin-based designer creates band logos in the classic death metal style for non-death metal things. What is Brootal Branding? Correct, the board is yours. Doo doo dooooo, do do doo doo dooooo, doo doo doo doo DOOT! Do do do do do, doo doo dooooo, do do doo doo doooooo, DOOT! Doo doot doot doot....doot.....doot, DUNM DUMN.

This Austin-based designer creates band logos in the classic death metal style for non-death metal things. What is Brootal Branding? Correct, the board is yours. Doo doo dooooo, do do doo doo dooooo, doo doo doo doo DOOT! Do do do do do, doo doo dooooo, do do doo doo doooooo, DOOT! Doo doot doot doot....doot.....doot, DUNM DUMN.

The real National Treasure is the friends we made along the way.

Imagine a dark and grainy wheat field, stalks bent by the sheer power of the gluten-free rebellion. At the top, a devilishly grinning baguette wields a lightning bolt as if it's the mighty Mjölnir, commanding the gluten-free thunder with delicious wheatless authority. Sprinkled around the battlefield are shattered bread crusts, smashed in the wake of the gluten-free revolution. It's not just a shirt; it's a gluten-free metal saga that's both menacing and worthy of a couple chuckles. Embrace the gluten-free brutality and let the world know that even in the world of metal, you don't mess with someone's dietary preferences!

It counts as reading the book, dammit!

Her and Kelce are a couple now, right? I mean, she was in his family's private box at the game, that's gotta mean something. Anyway, check out this SEEMINGLY RANCH metal logo I whipped up. Buy one, get a few laughs.

Mother, I wish for crab rangoon. Mother. The rangoon, mother.

I love milk, I love cheese, but I've becoming a bit more lactose intolerant as I get older. My heart goes out to the cheeseless, milkless folks out there. This has the original LACTOSE INTOLERANT logo design, plus a gnarly ribcage illustration. This is the "milk white" variant of the design.

I love milk, I love cheese, but I've becoming a bit more lactose intolerant as I get older. My heart goes out to the cheeseless, milkless folks out there. This version has the original LACTOSE INTOLERANT logo design, plus a gnarly rib cage illustration.

Remember, if it ends in .97, that means it's discounted. $1.50 hot dogs for LIFE!

Legit one of the best movies of all time.

I love milk, I love cheese, but I've becoming a bit more lactose intolerant as I get older. My heart goes out to the cheeseless, milkless folks out there.

Remember, if it ends in .97, that means it's discounted. $1.50 hot dogs for LIFE!

IT'S NOT JUST A PHASE, MOM!

You might remember me from such black metal t-shirts as CARNAGE ASADA and ROTTING Rainbow.

We can't hear you, can you hear us?

Every couple of weeks, another U-haul or semi truck gets its topped sheared off on a low bridge on Storrow Drive in Boston. Figured I should finally immortalize it with a death metal style t-shirt design.

THE PASTABILITIES ARE ENDLESS!

The people person's paper people.

“I never thought I’d say this, but I think I ate too much bone marrow.”

Perhaps you've heard of us?

Try clicking the microphone icon in the bottom left.

Self defense is best defense.

Life's a booch.

Which prequels? Take your pick!

And in the morning, I'm makin' WAFFLES!

They count as reading the book.