Monty Python And The Holy Grail T-Shirts

Tim: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit! That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on! Robin: You tit! I soiled my armor, I was so scared! Tim: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide, it's a killer! Galahad: Get stuffed! Tim: He'll do you up a treat, mate. Galahad: Oh, yeah? Robin: Mangy Scots git! Tim: I'm warning you!

Black Knight: None shall pass. King Arthur: What? Black Knight: None shall pass. King Arthur: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge. Black Knight: Then you shall die. King Arthur: I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside! Black Knight: I move for no man. King Arthur: So be it! [rounds of melee, with Arthur cutting off the left arm of the black knight.] King Arthur: Now stand aside, worthy adversary. Black Knight: Tis but a scratch. King Arthur: A scratch?! Your arm's off! Black Knight: No it isn't. King Arthur: Well what's that then? [Pointing to the knight's arm lying on the ground.] Black Knight: I've had worse. King Arthur: You liar! Black Knight: Come on then, you pansy!

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It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five-ounce bird could *not* carry a one-pound coconut! Arthur: (exasperated) Well it doesn't matter! Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the court of Camelot is here!

Your mother was a hamster. And your father smelt of elderberries.

Come and see the violence inherent in the system!

Almost the Full Monty

The Cave of Caerbannog is the home of the Legendary Black Beast of Arrrghhh

I don’t want to talk to you anymore, you empty-headed animal food trough whopper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king. Dennis: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

WOMAN: Well, how did you become King, then? ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake,... [angels sing] ...her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king! DENNIS: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

Sir Bedevere : ...and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped. King Arthur : This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.

TIM: I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. I always tell them--

It's just a flesh wound.

Tis but a scratch!

Taunting French Guard: I don’t want to talk to you anymore, you empty-headed animal food trough whopper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

Ni!

Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say Ni at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress in this period in history.

From Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Here's my drawing of the fresh French taunter with one of his best zingers.

The Quest for the Holy grail

'TIS BUT A SCRATCH

Man: Here's one- Cart-master: Ninepence. Old Man: (feebly) I'm not dead! Cart-master: (suprised) What? Man: Nothing! Here's your ninepence.... Old Man: I'm not dead! Cart-master: 'Ere! 'E says 'e's not dead! Man: Yes he is. Old Man: I'm not! Cart-master: 'E isn't? Man: Well... he will be soon-- he's very ill... Old Man: I'm getting better!

The Dark Side of the Black Knight

TIM: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit! ARTHUR: Ohh. TIM: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on! ROBIN: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared! TIM: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!

V: What makes you think she is a witch? P2: Well, she turned me into a newt! V: A newt?! (P2 pause & look around) P2: I got better. (pause) P3: Burn her anyway! (burn her burn her burn!)

Vintage Baseball

monty python and the holy grail

Now accepting visitors! (Be prepared to answer 3 questions to access the bridge)

Passed On...

Arthur: “What manner of man are you who can summon up fire without flint or tinder ?” Tim: “I…am an enchanter.” Arthur: “By what name are you known ?” Tim: “There are some who call me…Tim” Arthur: “Greetings, Tim, the enchanter.”

Tim: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit! That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on! Robin: You tit! I soiled my armor, I was so scared! Tim: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide, it's a killer! Galahad: Get stuffed! Tim: He'll do you up a treat, mate. Galahad: Oh, yeah? Robin: Mangy Scots git! Tim: I'm warning you!

And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy." And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--

I don't wanna talk to you no more you empty headed animal foot Trough water! I'll fart in your general direction! Your mother was a Hamster and you father smelt of eldiberry!!!!

Monty Python Mean Girls

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!