Oz 9 Tank Tops

The designer's favorite, so you know it's good.

In the ongoing tradition of our fans' designs being better than ours, here's another.

This picture would never happen IRL because these two would never turn their backs on each other.

Show everyone that you're with stupid. Wear the names of the useless Oz 9 crew with pride.

Need heroing? Never fear, Leet is on the way, as soon as he finds a shirt and figures out how to open the electric doors.

Seriously, pretty sure standing in a straight line is the limit of this team's capabilities.

Join the useless crew of the decrepit Oz 9 as they limp around in space looking for a new home to utterly bugger up.

The amazing designer @karinheim graciously VOLUNTEERED to make us a bunch of Oz 9 designs. We said yes. We're not THAT stupid.

You can't have a t-shirt without your two favorite assassins. Correction: you really shouldn't have a t-shirt without your two favorite assassins.

He knows Cpt Madeline isn't the smartest springbok on the savannah, but he hoped for better from Jessie.... The Oz 9 is full of disappointments.

Here is the whole batch of 14 idiots all arranged neatly in a circle for G2HQ to make a dart board out of it.

Catch a rare glimpse of the Oz 9 ship as it chonks along in outer space. All sales of this special pride rainbow version will go to The Trevor Project. www.TheTrevorProject.org

If science were always this sexy, more of us would have the periodic table memorized....

His opinions are starting to flow as freely as that mane.

Why does Joe always have his mop with him? Sandwiches.

He may not be too bright, but he lines up nicely.

Feeling a little rumbly and lightheaded? Seeing six of things and wishing for the sweet release of unconsciousness? Well, we WARNED you....

The Oz 9 Albatros, she's The Terminator in a pencil skirt.

Colin, somehow never seen without his martini...sometimes barely seen at all.

When the dude who narrates your story doesn't really like you all that much...

Wear your "I have poor leisure-time judgement" proudly and declare yourself to be the space monkey you are.

Is there room on your chest for his? He is awfully well developed, as he'll happily tell you himself.

Didn't quite finish Captain school but strives mightily to keep her idiot crew alive. Bubble-wrap enthusiast.

As deadly as she is gorgeous, the Albatros abides no malarky, nonsense, or off-brand condiments.

Show the world your status as an Official Space Monkey with this seal.

Haven't you always wanted someone to narrate your life as you journey through it? We've got that. Only he doesn't like us very much.

Same day, same nonsense, says are oft-irritated Narrator. And yet, true professional, he shows up, hand over one ear, to appraise our listeners of the dumb stuff going on aboard the Oz 9.

Sweet and shirtless, our IT guy and password guesser extraordinaire would love to hang out with you. Literally, like he'd be hanging out WITH you.

'It's "penguin," not "pingwing," and even your posh British accent can't save you here.' It's possible our Narrator suffers from a little professional jealousy...

Spoiler alert: it often is.

You know the saying, "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me"? Well, we'll have you! Join the proud ranks of the Oz 9 space monkeys, and you'll always have someone to eat lunch with.

When cordon bleu dreams become burger-flippin' realities, you've got to stay professional. Which he ... mostly does.

Olivia swears it's not her fault, but we're all starting to suspect that may be a lie of sorts.

You thought James Bond was cool. Pffffft. This woman makes the martini swiller look like a rank amateur.

Our frequently grumbly Narrator doesn't have a ton of patience for the idiot crew of the Oz 9, but we love him anyway. For now.....

Worn on the flight suits of the Oz 9 crew! Sport your mission patch to look like a crew member.